my pot of gold

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 00:49:43 GMT

pretty much the best weekend ever.

after work jen and i brought TGIF to california and it was, well...you gotta live it to know how good it can be.

then we went to zoe's and eventually got wasted with some waaaaldorf boys who are growing up to be so cute.

then we went to the ricksaw stop and danced in the company of more hipsters than i have ever seen in one place at one time.

3 pm saturday and i was sitting shot gun in my mom's car, jen driving, marisa in the back, driving down the california coast.

by 5 we were on the beach. with. ohhhhh boy. lukas.

we drove home and stopped at in and out. late saturday night i saw hannah for the first time all summer.

michael came home. it's all weird.

whatever, back to the work week. working all day every day and spending every night too tired to not go to bed early. yup that's right. i feel very out of character.

these days

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 06:20:13 GMT

All the time we spent in bed
Counting miles before we set
Fall in love and fall apart
Things will end before they start

Fri, 26 May 2006 21:16:54 GMT

I don't think i've ever been less excited about summer in my life. Say goodbye to...
beerpong with jocks

late night adventures

"being a little boy"

craziness

The boys

WILDER BOWL...aka my favorite place on the planet...along with a few other peoples' too.

fuck. this shit aint gonna be easy. I can't wait to be back. I feel like i just got home from the best summer camp ever.

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 18:18:30 GMT

Rough. If I could think of what to say I would. i feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. the rest of the semester is going to be rough and i'm not going to be happy with the out come of anything this year.

yesterday might have been the strangest day i've had here.

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 23:25:51 GMT

here's a top ten most interesting things that have happened to me lately in no particular order.
1) my hot philosophy prof saw me smoking after class and was like "i thought we talked about this sarah..." in front of all my friends, and it was awkward but funny.
2) Alie and i spent all day together, made some bucks hustling, star watched, she slept in my bed and we cuddled, but then i left, but then came back in the morning and got back in bed and we cuddled again. when we finally decided to get up michael walked in the room, not knowing that alie had spent the night there, and she was just in underwear and i had no shirt on. it was awkward i'd say.
3) 420, alie, bella and I started blazing at 10 am and preceeded to remain stoned all day long. i finally passed out at 1. a very early night by oberlin standards. i probably smoked $40 worth of pot at least
4)last friday afternoon i went to a really awsome senior creative writing major reading, where these two seniors read short stories and there were teachers there drinking pabst. I hadn't eaten yet so i had like 4 beers and got wasted. then it started raining and there was a bbq that was still just as good. and more beer.
5)I tuesday afternoon i played raquet ball, wednesday I played tennis, and today I played tennis again.
6)Last night Lukas called and we talked for, i dunno, 15 minutes. He was just calling to say hi and see what's up, what's i'm doing this summer, ect. It was really nice of him and i had a good time on the phone with him. However, it was obsurd that he just called me randomly. I love him though.
7) i finally got to have a good conversation with Zoe. we talked for about a half and hour. I went on a walk so i was finally alone so could really tell her what's going on in good old oberlin, where the honest details of life aren't suited for the written word. But overall, it helped me really assess my situation here, and figure out why i'm so confused about things.
8) Either Jen or Sara or both are living at my house this summer. that means great things. I can picture many a summer night spent with hard liqs on the deck chilling hard core.
9) Sarina and I talked the president of Oberlin out of closing the largest co-op on campus.
10) tuesday I hung out with Alie all day and it was great.

I'll be home in less than a month and that's not far away. There are a lot of things i want to watch pan out in the next month too, including a butt load of work, so i'm not quite in the coming home mind-set yet. This is also probably the best weather i'll see for a while too. everyday should always involve sun, outside, laughing, interesting thoughts, and jimi hendrix. or at least that's what I think.

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 18:38:18 GMT

I can't really be as candid anymore, because apperently my lovely college friends now found my lj and read it aloud for entertainment. now, how could i really hold that against them because i'm sure if i was in there position i would do the same thing.

there is that familiar twinge in my chest and in my tummy and i can't get it off my mind. i guess i shouldn't be so cocky and think that i'm above human emotion. that's why people don't keep up these kinds of relationships. they don't work. Even if you are well settled in pretending something that is real doesn't exist, while you may be able to convince everyone around you, and even yourself, that there is nothing there, something does exist. it does effect you and cause you to respond and have feelings about it. I've finally started to recognize the pain inwardly.I am heartbroken about something that doesn't exist outwardly. and it does exist outwardly, i've been told. people say that in pictures, the moments captured on film are so expressive, and make it so obvious if you pay attention, that there is something going on between us. People say in in person we look at eachother differently too. the only reason that it still can go on without getting anyone in trouble is because we, the individuals involved never say anything about it, and would so admimently and convinvingly deny it.

this is a stupid entry.

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 19:35:20 GMT

So, in conclusion we found out that i did infact actually attend drag ball. there is one, and only one out of millions, picture of me in the actual event of drag ball. other than that i have NO memory, except maybe an acumulative 15 minutes out of hours, and no one that i was with can really remember anything either so no one has any idea what i did at drag ball. well except this. we only know this.

then came what we have all been waiting for. that day that we've thought about so many times but always seemed too good to be true. Well, it actually happened, and is wonderful. better than any other feeling ever. It was finally spring.

we celebrated with every moment of sunlight...and moaned and bitched when we had to go to class, only to sit counting down the minutes until we'd be back out.

how is this for homework?! the best homework i've ever had.

we played!!!

universal symbol for waldorf:

and overall...i'd rate my life as

so amazing. thank you warm weather. I had lost all faith in anything ever resembling this. I am thrilled. I'll even do my homework just to prove how greatful i am. I haven't had alcohol in three nights in tribute to how much fun can be had without booze, because now we have warmth! this is completely dedicated to the spring. please say a while.

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 03:30:09 GMT

words cannot describe.
drag ball was...lord save us all.
I need to get my life together and stop being such a crack head....

ps. i love having a penis.

we peed like boys

honestly though, who's the man in this relationship

alie is actually a greesy gas station attendent. finally it's all so clear.

i think we liked this way too much. it came so naturally.

i make a better boy than girl. no one could deny it.

all in all...i loved my penis. i loved being a boy.

i think the entire world should have drag balls.

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 17:18:58 GMT

pictures are a journal cop out, but i feel the visual makes a stronger, clearer impression.
the home team, the gange, the gaggle

the relationship

the dream (alie and michael kissing)

the good times

the utter joy

the repercussions

yep.

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 01:02:29 GMT

my midterms are OVER. thank fucking god. most of my friends are still in the heat of things, so i'm not partying...but sleeping like it's my job. or at least that's what i intend to do. This morning i woke up early and got to the art library by 8:30 to meet alie. we watched our documentary, did our reading, then fell asleep in the library. luckily our prof found us and told us we probably wanted to wake up within the next five minutes, winked and left. it was pretty cool. after class, and 4 hours at the library by noon, i went to Tank for lunch with Alie. it was so far superior to dascomb food. i think i want to live in a coop next year. Also, my cell phone is broken. i know exactly how it happened...which makes it even more upsetting and embarassing. plus side? my parents can't call me 5 times a day. each.
I value things differently now. Home, san francisco, all that california business except the actually high school related shit itself, it like my fond dream that i hope to fall asleep to at night. or in the day for that matter. I don't really talk to people, except for my obsessive parents, or when someone calls me, which is kinda a blue moon sorta thing these days. I still hold it fondly, if not more fondly than before...except high school, which i have growing resentment for. Sarina and I are together a lot. it's great. People have started to refer to us as "the deviant duo", but as i learned in sociology, deviance isn't bad, it's only bad because it's not keeping with the norm, which is actually something to be proud of in my opinion. ALie and I are also a funny duo. Not that our friendship itself isn't enough, but additionally it's like, we each get something of an image from being with the other. I give her a feeling of freedom, and escape from the pressures of the rollercoaster social scene that she and her lesbian community, i guess to be honest the rugby team, has swept her up in. What really nice is that she honestly is best friends with my best friends, but she and i often go on adventures, study times, classes, drugs, just the two of us. Michael michael michael. I love him. he is actually my twin. but things are harder than they used to be. there is a lot of monotony in a long term relationship, even when you try to spice things up. it's hard to be codependent, and to be honest, it is really unnatural for me at this point in my life, but i would much much much rather be with him than without him.
School. school this module has been amazing. it's so much harder than last semester, but so much more rewarding. and now....i get As. no fucking way man. I'm tearing apart my art history class, which i spent the four hours at the art lib this morning for, and my sociology is the easiest things ever...even though we have a decent amount of work and it is interesting. it's so frigging easy...but maybe because i'm in that class with bella and sarina so we all have eachother. Aside from those i have philosophy. This is my class with the least assignments, least class participation, the most reading, and the hardest conceptual learning. I'm still struggling with philosophy, but i think only because i really want to gain depth of knowledge, not just accumulate business. This semester i have discovered the art building, which is the most architecturally pleasing building on campus. But what really makes it stand out is the art library. It is so far superior than Mudd, or the Sci Li, and additionally, it's the furthest from the center of campus. what this means is that people only go there if they are really didicated to the library. so while you still have the familiar face feeling that makes the library fun (which the sci li lacks), you don't have the distractions that make mudd impossible.
anyhow, i guess that's all. I'll be home saturday night. i'm excited.

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 03:35:47 GMT

so uh... identity crisis?

The earthquake
Is making
The house shake
The house shake

I don't know
What to do
In times of
Disaster

Solid things
Go liquid
And the breath
Gets faster

I ask you
What you think
Of my forward question
Is this a
Release, or
A build up
Of pressure?

oberlin update

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 16:59:07 GMT

school is better. a lot better than last semester. I'm managing my work and doing better than usual. I party less, but still do my share of this and that. the beginning was crazy. i almost had a nervous break down because i thought i was an alcoholic. Then i just cut back. it was as easy as that. cool huh?
This saturday was national cuddle day. It was crazy. Michael was at the con all day (except for the two hours of buffy watching) so i played with my girls, which is actually probably more common than had it been the other way around. We all cuddled up together in rachel and natasha's room, and watched rent with the football boys. Usually i despise them. They are very entertaining and funny and nice, but they are so inappropriot and politically in correct (never though you'd hear ME complain about that), that it's really hard for me to take them. but saturday was fun. they think i'm really hot and always tell me infront of michael that i need a real man. it's funnier than it sounds.
I got gang banged

If i was single and Calvin wasn't such a meat head we'd make a really cute couple.

then after that part of my day we went to casa fiesta and ate so much i could haradly keep it together. all of us felt like we were gonna explode, so what do we do? go to fireland's and play beer pong at bryce's. Alie and i kept losing and ended up feeling worse. so we decided resuming national cuddle day celebrations.

but then with fresh energy and a little too close to not be tempted or lead astray, i got up and resumed festivities.
Things with Sarina and I are back to the old days and just as good as new. pretty much we're twins.

Isabella and i have gotten closer than ever before. we understand eachother and can be serious and have really intense conversations, but we also know how to play and have fun, which is kinda the Dascomb theme.

The night went on and we went back to Dascomb to regroup and go to a party. Things with me and Alie were weird, but we had so much fun together. oh what words were exchanged.
So this week has been more of the usual. However, to put a dampener on things, i woke up yesterday so ill i didn't get o ut of bed till dinner. i have this virus that's been going around campus and already hit 3 other of my closest friends, so it was only a matter of time. The real problem is that student health says i should stay in bed, but i had to give a presentation today for my art history class which went horribly. Luckily, the teacher saw how sick i am let me go home after i was done which was very sweet of her. Now i have to clean my room, do my laundry, and knowck my philosophy paper out of the ball park so i can be free and hopefully a little better when hannah gets here tomorrow night. which i am SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR. i just really hope i feel better.

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 03:52:18 GMT

I don't even know.

between the click of the lights and the start of the dream.

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 17:36:32 GMT

Hey,
so lately things have been going well. i like my classes, and i feel a lot smarter than i used to be. i know that sounds weird. I still have a lot of trouble not procrastinating because i know i can get away with it, but i'm working to break that habbit in my study skills class. which is spectacular. Last night was a lame but fun friday night, where i just got kicked out of my mind. it was the most in tense combination of things. I was in a weird ass mood, just got my period which was a month and a half late, kinda drunk at 5, went to dinner, went on an alc run, got drunk, got stoned, got drunker, got stoneder, still wasn't that wasted and had actually the worst cramps in the world, took painkillers, then went to a bluegrass show, ran into Claudio, spoke swiss german with him, left eventually after all kinds of awkward encounters...cara, olivia, claurdio, michael, alex-hatesme-christie, drank more inn dascomb went out in search of parties, got to one and decided to go back to campus and find michael, claudio said he would walk me, had a crazy talk with claudio who admitted to having slept with almost all the girls in fairchild. Then he strangely brought up that i shouldn't feel threatened by them... if i am, because even though he doesn't really know that kinda stuff about me, he can tell i'm just better than they are. what? that is just such a weird thing to say.
Oberlin is such a crazy place. all the students are actually crazy. they are so extreme in their own directions, it's keeps things really interesting, but makes me wonder what that says about myself, because i know that i am living a really intense, stressful, and reckless life here myself, and if i think everyone else is weird, i should look at myself for a second. i don't even know what going on. i feel awful, but together. i don't even know.
tonight? masonic temple BOOM celebration. it snowed again last night after three days of bizarre 60 degree weather...and now it's 9 degrees outside. my cramps hurt so bad i wanna die. i just wake and baked.

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 21:08:27 GMT

In conclusion, my break was...
\

*takes a deep breath, unpacks suitcase back into oberlin drawers*

now...on to second semester.

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 16:31:28 GMT

unreal machu picchu
sunstroke
lots of puking
dad is here, i really love him
spanish classes are a huge drag
work is the most fun most rewarding part of the trip
10 more days.

where is sarah?

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 21:40:25 GMT

15 days in peru, 13 more to go. my feelings are mixed. the experienced is trying, tiring, and amazing. what can i say?
short emotional summary, ´cause what else is a journal for?
i wish i could be home for my friends.
spanish is a harder language than they tell you.
being in a tourist-dependent, mid-way, third world country takes alot out of you.
i have never seen such beautiful mountains in my life.
i love julia.
i miss michael.

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 09:06:58 GMT

break update:
wisdom teeth out+ not so fun, but break over all=far better than finals week. bonuses= lots of rest, good weather, friends i don't see on a regular basis, draw back= I MISS OBERLIN (work excluded, class+ people included).

i can't sleep...so instead i'll follow emily's lead...
1) Was 2005 a good year for you? definitely good
2) What was your favorite moment of the year 2005? guys and dolls/ moments at oberlinl
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? saying goodbye to san francisco
4) Where were you when 2005 began? adi and zoe's party
5) Who were you with? my ex-class, more specifically henry, gabe, niles, annie
6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? adi and zoe's party
7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? MICHAEL and peeps.
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? I don't buy into that crap
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? learn to like homework
10) Did you fall in love in 2005? i'm so there
11) If yes, with who? casey kinda then michael really
12) If yes, do they know? yes
13) Are you still in lovelust with them? the reason i can't sleep tonight is...
14) Do you regret it? never
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? a couple times
16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? obies and ccmc peeps and liz
17) Who are your favorite new friends? sarina, bella, julia, michael, alie
18) What was your favorite month of 2005? fall
19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005? germany
20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? arizona, nevada, utah, hawaii, NY, NJ, PA, ohio
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? grandpa quite recently
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?prolly
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? finding neverland, donnie darko,]
24) What was your favorite song from 2005? For The Widows In Paradise; For The Fatherless In Ypsilanti
our favorite record from 2005? I discovered Sergei - No Limit sexy russian trumpet, and Sufjan, and Iron & Wine
26) How many concerts did you see in 2005? Sufjan Stevens, greetings from michigan
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? the Go! team, at slims
28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005? yes
29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005? If 6 is alot
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005? um...lukas, alex, casey. michael, and others
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? no not really
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? why rehash?
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? not too bad.
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? no, it was an easy year thankfully
36) How much money did you spend in 2005? i always do
37) What was your proudest moment of 2005? guys and dolls, graduation.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005? who even remembers
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be? not sure, that's a toughy
40) What are your plans for 2006? survive freshman year then rest up for sophmore year?

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 17:00:05 GMT

Life here is changing. i'm not even going to try to articulate the analogy i feel between my the blankets of snow that keep fallilng and the bitter cold in relation to my friendships that have been rekindled and are amazing and life-sustaining. Everything is good, which is just what i need to make it through finals.
sunday brunch trips

snowbabies

'sco hoes till we die

oh helen and tasha

sars and my future roommate abbelicious

tennis hunnies

late night playfulness

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 15:34:58 GMT

I have officially been sick for two weeks. we're talkin hurts to swallow, smoke only at risk of coughing up your stomach, coughing up balls of some unidentified grose substance, and breathing through the nasal passages...totally out of the question. so, we know that i don't have strep or mono, and the kicker is that i'm not contageous. I want nothing more than to be home in sf where no matter how cold and grose it is, at least it's not bellow 20 degrees at all times. I just wanna be be in my parents bed watching tv and getting taken care of. I haven't talked to anyone from home in weeks, pretty much because i'm always either doing homework or sleeping, and i miss everyone so much. At least i can safely say that they haven't m issed out on anything important, unless they like the sound of hacking coughs through the receiver. I bet their throats would hurt just from hearing my voice. And of course, this coincides so beautifully with finals week. I no longer am a 'sco hoe (and not because i no longer love the 'sco, just 'cause if i can't drink and i'm too sick to dance, why go?), i live in the library or the d-2 study room. At least the study room is a good time. Bella and i are in there pretty much ALWAYS, and sarina is in there enough to say that she needs to get out more. Sarina and I have rekindled our love, and Bella and i seem to be newly obsessed with eachother. I love Fieldsten kids. I have resigned to the fact that i'm getting a HORRIBLE grade in german, so i have decided to prioitize my other finals above it. I would kill for an A on my philosophy final...and i think i may actually pull off a pretty deecent grade in globalization. I changed my plane ticket and now iget home two days earlier...i just have to turn in a final earlier, but whatever. it's so worth it. and this way i can see chanticleer...even if it means driving down to santa clara. they're soooooo worth it. Ugg...must...go...to...philosophy review session.

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 16:28:06 GMT

First best friend: Alex Geyr, now my friend on facebook. oh stanford.
First car: yet to be determined.
First screen name: skygirlforever
First self purchased album: the romeo and juliet soundtrack which i still love
First funeral: my grandma's when i was like 4
First pets: Bear. half wolf half black lab, no joke.
First piercing/tattoo: right cartiledge, sept '02
First credit card: my mom's?
First enemy: HATES ME alex christie, very recent past
First musician you remember hearing: bobby mcfarren
Last car ride: Back from Chile's in North Olmsted with bryce and his mom
Last good cry: um...friday night when grampa died
Last movie seen: Zombie 3
Last beverage drank: bottle of water from decaf
Last food consumed: fruit loops with stafford this morning in dascomb
Last crush: hahahahaha um, matt, ken, boonie, alie, olivia, michael, proff Bell, proff Crowley
Last phone call: Boonie
Last time showered: sunday night, and yes i did have tennis practice yesterday, and yes i am disgusting
Last shoes worn: my uggs every day since i've been back
Last CD played: Die Prinzen, das leben is grausam
Last item bought: a little secret santa present
Last annoyance: waking up at 8 this morning. and every morning.
Last time wanting to die: when i woke up this morning at 8 and had to go to class.
Last time scolded: my tennis coach for coming to practice sick/getting julia sick
Last shirt worn: sarina's red tee
Last website visited: obiemail?

me and rachie found some special friends in town after breakfast at wela tela. the best morning ever.

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 04:53:43 GMT

in loving memory...

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 01:52:40 GMT

Life is so weird. Things are always changing. I don't think i mind it though. I didn't sleep last night so i've been up since 7:30 west coast time, sunday. It's pretty intense. I don't know how to explain what i feel. it's just, i dunno, neither good nor bad, more authentic. whatever. i'm not making sense. life is a mystery.
ps. i miss him.

The snow is beautiful.

They are beautiful too.

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 19:33:28 GMT

It's been a long time and it's not worth explaining. things have changed and gotten alot more real and less meaningless, but with that things seem to be getting harsher. but maybe it's just the weather. it was beautiful here. the trees were incrediable. Then it just got really really cold, and now it's snowing. my social circles have changed and i feel like i'm part of a different crowd now due to circumstances with different parites, but i still love all of my friends.

i wish i had a picture of the weather now. but i'll probably get them before i leave. it's so weird. ok. i'm gonna go get a life now.

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 01:09:57 GMT

holy shit this week has been intense. the lowest of lows, and some really intense moments. there were ups as well, but they weren't deep, they were just wild. safer sex night was the craziest night i've ever experienced. I can't tell if i thoughgt it was the tightest thing ever, or the sketchiest night ever. either way i have never been so drunk without getting sick or hung over. it was amazing. tonight is the big ass halloween party too. i'm officially so worn out i could cry. i'm spending the rest of the weekend in my room.
so you're not allowed to bring cameras into safer sex night, but here are pregaming pics...
booties unite (sarina, julia, and myself)

wild times in my room
(Stafford, Ariel, me, Zenith)

me and julia

all the ladies right before hitting up safer sex night.
and te craziest thing is that EVERYONE was wearing nothing. EVERYONE. i mean, practically the teachers too. it was wild.